Hey ya’ll… I started 2015 off running. I joined TWO coaching groups that are really motivating me to do all I can do, be all that I can be and get some *ish DONE.
Happy Black Woman – Rosetta Thurman
You are a Bad Ass – Jen Sincero
So in essence I am a BAD ASS HAPPY BLACK WOMAN…yep..sounds about right!
So today’s Life Lesson is…Coaching/Mentoring
Growing up I always thought that everybody knew more than me, was more graceful than me, was more ladylike than moui, was a better cook than I…yada yada yada and the list goes on. Truth is, sure alot of people were all the above, and they were also older than me and had more EXPERIENCES under their belt.
My young bitter impressionable mind assumed that other people magically manifested their skills or were lucky and born with them, whilst I was evidently born awkward, unattractive, and uneducated. What I was in actuality was lacking guidance, instruction and role models, having lost my mother at a young age and being raised by an elderly grandmother.
But Grandma though initially she was a force to reckoned with, at a certain point was tired and done..She hit a point where she was just waiting for me to be of age to take care of myself…and get out. So God blessed me with an older more mature compadre’ in my late teen’s/early twenties..This woman took me under her wing…and man could she (still can) cook her HIND PARTS off. I mean seriously this chick…whew man, just thinking about the dishes she throws together makes my mouth water, whilst I on the other hand burned everything I attempted to cook. Over time she taught me a few things. I mean I didn’t have a love and or desire for cooking so I mastered the basic few dishes and I can say, that a few years later, yes, I can throw together a simply edible meal here and there.
I had another friend early in life who loved retail. She started to attend design school, but didn’t finish. However her personal style and flair was just fascinating to me, the self proclaimed queen of jeans and sneakers. Over time, just from hanging with her, guess what, low and behold I picked up a little bit of flair.
Flash forward 10-15-20 years later and low and behold look at me now, my kids are fed and I am complimented on a daily basis on my outfits. I marvel now at my ability to put together a decent dinner party and a stylish outfit.
Self – aggrandizement? Of course not…
My point being this…and preaching to the younger me. Stop degrading yourself, just because you don’t know IT now doesn’t mean that you can’t learn it. How? Find someone who already does IT – whatever IT is – that you like; or aspire to be; or who has what you want and ask them to show you how to do it…be it…become it…get it.
Now at 44, I know all kinds of crap. Literally most of it is crap and that’s something else wonderful I learned. That over your lifetime you are fed alot of crap, that we swallow as truth and then we live in small boxes and small representations of our badass self’s due to this learned crap. But I also learned some great and helpful and useful things too. That I’d love to share to help guide someone else through pitfalls and over bumps and hills and just to help another.
That my friend is a mentor. Someone who has been there and already done that (or is currently successfully still doing it) and who is willing to teach you, allow you to shadow them or simply be around them to pick up a trick or two to acquire IT as well.
Don’t be afraid to ask.
Don’t be ashamed to admit that you’re not skilled in an area.
Don’t be afraid to get help. (in all areas but we will cover that in more depth later)
If you encounter someone who puts you down due to your lack of knowledge, skill, or expertise in a matter…THEY ARE NOT A MENTOR..Remove yourself from their debilitating presence immediately and find someone who willingly shows you what you want to learn. I did encounter another woman who was a good cook in my 30’s, and when I asked her how to make things, she would constantly repeat that “it was easy” yet she never attempted to show me. Initially I got angry, cause duh, evidently it wasn’t easy for me… but eventually I figured maybe she didn’t know how to teach me or jut wasn’t comfortable teaching me. So I let it be. It happens.
So, if you can’t find a soul willing or equipped in the expertise your seeking, take a class. And if you’ve taken every class out that that you can take it’s time to invest in yourself and your future and your dreams and hopes and hire a coach. All great’s have been coached -Michael Jordan, Oprah Winfrey – and if they -THEY NEEDED COACHES- then my sweet precious, so do you. We tend to think those folks were just born with all these inherent skills…Yeah Mike, had athleticism and height and Oprah has personality and tenacity for days but they both still required coaching in their particular fields.
So my friend, in 2015 I invested in me, and dropped a pretty penny on learning via coaches. I urge you to do the same.
Don’t have the dough at present? Not just being cheap but seriously don’t have a dime to spare. Well read books. Tons and tons of books. Free books on https://books.google.com/books, or https://openlibrary.org/ or the various other places that provide free trainings, and tutorials. Youtube and Google search alone will provide you with a vast array of information, guides, and tutorials for what you’re seeking. But never discredit the value in having a coach, after all they do stand on the sidelines providing direction and cheering every time you accomplish a feat.
It’s 2015. Get going..Get to learning. Get to growing.
Get O.F.F…being stuck and full of excuses. I did.