Get O.F.F…Romance Books not even vaguely romantic!

I am an avid reader. I read a book a night. 300 pages plus. It’s like I cant put it down I have to finish or I have failed, and yes I do have a full-time job, and kids, home and family obligations. So reading is my refuge. I read everything, self help, spiritual, autobiographies, how to’s but as of late, I am hooked on romance and erotica! Hooked I tell you. Amazon’s 1-click is the devil, and will be the death of my bank account. Having that access to so many new author’s and free books is on one hand amazing and yet on the other, it’s gonna end me. But I’m going to enjoy the ride. So with that said let’s talk about my latest annoyance. Frikkin Romance Books that are not romantic in the least. I have so many different angry thoughts running through my mind I don’t know which one to address first! Perhaps I should make a list and then come back and hit each one at length. Yep, let me do that.

1. Where are all the 40+ heroines?!  (Gotta hit that seeing as how this is a OVER FORTY AND FABULOUS BLOG!!) Don’t forget it!

2. Why are all the heroines 22, clumsy, virgins, and immature?

3. Why do they all have such low self-esteem?

4. Why is every hero a billionaire? Regular dudes who pay their damn bills are hot too!

5. Why aren’t there more strong confident sexy as hell heroines? I am so sick and tired of reading romance and erotica novels about 20 something’s or even 30 something virgins. Really? And not that I don’t believe that there can be virgins at that age, I do, I just don’t want to read about them! I don’t care and am not enticed by a 20 year old who can’t handle the D! Haaa…Wow that felt so good to get off my chest.

Author’s of erotica, the 20 year old’s that you’re marketing these books too aren’t reading them (well not unless they are book lover’s like myself). They are out at clubs, events and parties actually getting them some D! They are on facebook and instagram, and social media-ing it up and haven’t read a good book since college.It’s me the 40 year old who after working a 10 hour shift, and corralling 3 kids to do homework, eat what I cooked for dinner without complaining, take a bath and finally get their butts ..into..the ..dern..bed.. that wants to sit back and be consumed and enthralled by a good steamy romance novel.

Market to me. The woman with discretionary income who will buy your books. Your entire collection in one full swoop if the first 2-3 books entertain me. It’s me the 40+ woman who can appreciate a good raunchy explicit sex scene, and then use it to her advantage with hubby, cuz trust me, the routine at home has gotten stale! It’s me, with the stale relationship who wants to read about romance, and buff sexy men, cuz the pot belly in the living room snoring loudly on the couch aint buff no mo’. The 20 year old virgin is OUT getting her a sexy man not reading your dern book! So please I beg of you, and all that is erotically raunchy, write more mature, sexually liberated heroines!

Okay enough of that tangent you get my point I hope. Now lets move onto part B of this same rant. *woosah*

Soooo speaking of heroines…I don’t know what it is..well yes I do..its part and parcel of this whole 50 shades crap that romance heroines are now all being written as clumsy, clueless, bobble heads. I mean I guess you have to be an idiot and immature to fall for these insane narcissistic new form of hero’s.

Author’s attempting to venture into the newly (over) exposed BDSM world are trying their best to convey submissive’s, but I would so much prefer more confident woman portrayals. I read a BBW book the other day. The ENTIRE book the character was thinking and saying “why are you with me? the fat girl and not choosing a skinny chick“, and the man had to reassure her of her beauty. This book annoyed the ever loving frik outta me! I was like really?! I in no way want to read about a man supposedly lowering his standard to date me, and trust me when we read these books we become the heroines.  I so wanted her to flaunt what her mama gave her, look at him saucily and be like you know you want alllll this! Not “ohh woe is me, why would you want me?” Yeah! Precisely, why would he?!!

Listen, in real life, if you have such low self-esteem, the handsome hunk won’t choose you, because you don’t think you’re worthy! You gotta rock you with CONFIDENCE! Trust me, the handsome 8 pack ab having, chiseled jaw, muscled dude who would choose you, if your esteem is this low, is there for the booty only and will not waste time trying to convince you of your own worth. Books that portray all these men who have to constantly reassure these women that they are worthy of love…well, sicken me.

Affirming her beauty, complimenting and courting a woman yes, HELL YES, that rocks. Having to convince the heroine that she is worthy of love despite not being blonde or a size 2 is frikkin tiring. Please stop with this already.

Get out into the real world and take a look at all the various men who are literally DATING all different types of women. Slim and thick, blue eyed and brown eyed; black, brown, red, blonde long short haired. All the above, men like. It’s low self-esteem in any package that is a detractor. Where are the women who are sexy at any size, confident at any age, and who rock his world just as much as he rocks her’s?!

I’ve been reading interracial romance lately and that’s another big stinkin cesspool of low self-esteem characters. If I read another “oh no why would you choose me the ugly black girl, over the beautiful blonde“..really? NOT EVERY MAN IN THE WORLD wants a skinny blonde chick. This is SUPPOSED TO BE about interracial romance. You are a gorgeous powerful luscious sexy feminine chocolate (or caramel or cream) goddess! Where’s the romance if you don’t think the man really wants the heroine or he doesn’t think she’s beautiful? Good GOD!

And why would you, the heroine, tell a man who wants and likes you that you’re ugly? Huh, the what now? I can’t with a lot of these books. I mean don’t get me wrong there are a good amount of solid core writers who do it right (Sienna Mynx, Delaney Diamond, Latrivia Nelson, Violette Dubrinsky, Melissa Blue, Tiana Laveen- All FIYAH!) but sadly alot of the latest attempts by fledgling authors are faltering. Please I beg of you authors, like you first! Love YOU! Your thick thighs, your skinny legs, your big butt, your flat butt, your natural hair, your weave and or your wig. LOVE YOU and then rock the portrayals in your characters. Heroines with low self esteem are not …well…heroines.

I do love (yeah, finally a like!) paranormal portrayals the most lately because they seem to get it. The women in these tales are strong powerful, large and in charge, or small, fierce and a force to be reckoned with. Whatever the physical characteristics and all the above, but one thing they are not is fearful and cowering, wondering why would the hero pick her.  They rock it with strength and attitude and presence and most importantly…they embrace and sometimes FLAUNT their sexuality.

And finally someone please write a good damn book about women in their 40’s living life, getting them good D, being sexy as hell, fierce and fabulous, advanced and settled in their careers of choice, cause again all these 20 year old senior VP this, that and the other professionals are a bunch of your 20’s fresh outta college you’re at the bottom of the totem pole not the top- thats the 40 year old! who is running the corporation. Why the world acts like life ends at 40 instead of really just starting is beyond me. Women at this age and stage know themselves, know what they want, know how to go out and get it and… they know how to work the HELLL out of good D…and that’s romantic…just sayin…


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